


Spacy

by peculiarblue



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but also gay, clueless gay and just clueless, i would die for this ship, lots of giggling sorry, retelling of musical plot, someone find damian a boyfriend pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 00:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peculiarblue/pseuds/peculiarblue
Summary: the story of janis's personal vendetta against the gay powers that be that caused her to crush on her mortal enemy's best friend(or, how janis was sure she hated everything in the world except for karen smith)





	Spacy

* * *

 

 

Janis believes someone up there is screwing with her, like god, but gayer. Whoever it is keeps making her life harder and harder to believe that it’s real.

 

Sure, the middle school Regina thing was messed up and nearly destroyed her fragile 12-year-old self-esteem, but it was middle school. Girls were mean. And everyone had a life-consuming vendetta against at least one person in their life.

 

Becoming resident art freak on her big return back into the public school system? Sure. She’ll accept it. Art was cool and it gave her a nice excuse wrapped in an acrylic paint bow to shove at people when they asked questions and she figures everyone goes through a phase like this at some point. She doesn’t believe any higher power has started actively rooting against her yet.

 

But when she acquires the crush on her mortal enemy’s best friend, yeah, middle fingers to the sky, now.

 

Janis doesn’t really define it as a crush, but Damian does and that’s all that really counts in the magical land of misfit friendship.

 

“As sophomore co-chair of the Student Activities Committee, I can officially say your girl has been nominated for spring fling queen again,” Damian plops a tray down on the lunch table, empty as usual, except for Janis, who throws him a look. He answers, pointedly, “And as your best friend in the whole entire world I’m saying I heard she does not have a date to said Spring Fling yet, so… Do with that information what you will.”

 

“Okay, first of all we’re not doing this again, but if you really want to know—last I checked, Karen thought the word lesbian meant someone who takes care of sick animals.”

 

“Veterinarian?”

 

“She asked me in English and I was not about to be the one to explain that to her in front of everyone. So I don’t think she’s looking for a female date.”

 

“Well, Miss Storm Cloud, last _I_ checked, I never said her name. You did. So I’m not doing this, it’s all you.”

 

“I hate when you do this stuff,” she tosses him a cookie, “But you’re lucky I still love you enough to at least go to this dumb dance with you.”

 

“I know there’s no one that can top a date with me, Plastic or otherwise, but she makes you giggle, and that’s like the seventh world wonder.”

 

“Aren’t there already seven of those?”

 

“How should I know? I was watching makeup tutorials in History class again. Speaking of, I have a few options for you for Spring Fling that don’t include 3-inch thick black eyeliner.”

 

“Okay, 1. Janis Sarkisian does not giggle, I had something caught in my throat, and 2. You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you touch my face with that Ru Paul’s drag race type of extra ever again.” She swings her feet over the side of the lunch table bench and leans and elbow over to peer at Damian’s phone as he scrolls.

 

“Last time I did your makeup was for that party where I witnessed the infamous giggle, sorry, the ‘something caught in your throat’, and it was _glorious_. Think about it, little Karen Smith gets time away from the she devil and her henchwoman and decides to spend it with you!”

 

“It was barely more than two minutes before Regina dragged her away.”

 

“Well, I’m sure with that little cough you say you had, she was only looking out for the health of her friend.” Damian tips his head with a knowing look and Janis hits his shoulder, “But she’s also a stone cold bitch so I don’t support any of her decisions.”

 

“She was probably just trying to save Karen from catching the big scary gay disease, which is communicable, did you know?” She tips sarcastically as she starts to stand to throw her lunch away.

 

“Aw, I think I caught that from you a few years ago. Still didn’t go away!” Janis hears him yell as she reaches the garbage can and laughs. She she looks up, a smile still on her face, and is met with a full head of shiny, blonde hair.

 

“Circus tent emoji tractor emoji. Did you just dye your hair again?”

 

“Hi Karen,” Janis shrugs her shoulders and gives a little wave as she tries to keep her voice as lifeless as possible (gotta keep up the cold and no-nonsense persona), then remembers she has to answer the poor girl to get that lost stare off her face, “Yeah, Damian wanted to try this new thing he saw on some TLC show.”

 

“Statue of Liberty emoji I wish he could do mine! It looks so good but caterpillar emoji, Regina won’t let me dye it.”

 

“Sounds about right,” Janis nods and tries to walk away, but Damian’s eyes are wide and he’s motioning her back towards Karen.

 

She takes a deep breath, and with a little courage, squeaks out, “Well, for what it’s worth, you don’t need to dye it. Your hair is naturally pretty.” Karen brushes through her hair looking a little confused, so Janis adds, “Uh, top hat emoji and um, sunflower emoji I guess. Your hair is really pretty, Karen.”

 

“Thank you!” Karen squeals, “I wish you could still hang out with us. Regina and Gretch don’t respond when I speak in emojis.”

 

“Lollipop emoji, see ya later Karen.” Janis laughs, er, has something caught in her throat, as she walks away.

 

When she sits back down at the table, Damian looks at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes she’s ever seen. “Okay, you can do my makeup as long as there’s at least a little eyeliner.”

 

* * *

 

“Janis, honey, you know you can say no to him when he asks to do crazy things like this!” Damian’s mom peeks her head around the doorframe of Damian’s bedroom in the middle of their third layer of contouring of the night.

 

“Mom, if there’s anyone who has the power to say no to me it’s Janis, and she does, quite often.”

 

“I tell you no all the time,” his mom says.

 

“Janis is the only one who says no and I actively listen. Most of the time,” He shrugs and pops open some blush.

 

Janis laughs as Damian’s mom shakes her head, “It’s okay, I actually did agree to this for once.”

 

“Yeah, because she has a little crush…” He sing-songs and Janis resists all urge to knee him in the stomach right then and there.

 

“Damian Hubbard!” His mom swats the kitchen towel she’s holding in her hand at him, “Janis, I used to think you were the daughter I never had, but it’s obvious I’ve had one sitting under my roof this whole time.”

 

“And you love it,” Damian says with a flourish of the lip gloss in his hand, then turns back to Janis and continues, “But I had to tell mom about Karen weeks ago because she wanted to know why all my recent searches were just cryptic strings of emojis.”

 

Janis can’t help it, she tries to be mad but can only laugh as Mrs. Hubbard gets flustered and runs into the room, “I’m sorry, but you know how I worry with him sometimes.”

 

“I get it, I used to be friends with her and still don’t understand the emoji language.”

 

Karen was always the nicest to Janis when they were younger, even if Regina was her “best friend”. Janis was never as girly as the other three, and would gladly sit out of some girl-time and volunteer to wait in the kitchen to watch the cookies bake while they did mani-pedis in Regina’s room. And she didn’t mind, but where Regina would make fun of her when her hair wasn‘t perfectly brushed or Gretchen would post pictures only of times they hung out without Janis, Karen would always make a trip to the kitchen with black nail polish for Janis and told Regina to invite her to the mall with them, even if she just ended up holding their bags.

 

And when shit hit the fan in middle school, Karen tried to ask Janis if she would show her her space ship, which sent Janis into immediate hysterics. Karen was thoroughly confused, but pulled a tissue out of her tiny flamingo-shaped purse and gave it to Janis before she ran out of the lunchroom and didn’t return until high school.

 

But being nice didn’t automatically make you crush-worthy to Janis, which again, means Damian believed the absolute opposites. In Janis’s better versions of girls nights, with Damian in lieu of pink-clad preteens, he was quick to jump with a squeal any time Karen’s name was mentioned because ‘this just sounds like the makings of the greatest love story of my lifetime that I need to see through in order for me to write a loosely-based Broadway musical about it’.

 

So yeah, she was nice, a little less than bright but only so much so that it was part of her charm, and had a smile that was almost brighter than her hair. Not to mention, she was one of the hottest people Janis had ever seen (but no one asked for her opinion).

 

But yeah no, not a crush. Nope.

 

“She’s one of those mean girls from middle school?” Damian’s mom asks, eyebrows raised.

 

“Yeah, don’t know how I managed this one,” Janis tilts her head with a laugh.

 

“Don’t worry, ma, she’s harmless. Dumbest person I’ve ever met and that’s being generous. Just has the wrong friends.”

 

 “Well, while no one is truly deserving of you, Janis, I hope it works out. She’d be dumb not to love you. Wait, am I allowed to call her dumb if she really is?” The kids laugh as she kisses both on the forehead before starting out the room, “Now be nice while you finish up, Damian, and let me know before you two leave. I need one picture for the fridge.”

 

“You, know she left out the part where we beat anyone up who comes even a little close to trying to hurt you.”

 

“Really? You’re gonna beat people up for me?” Janis picks up eyeliner and forces it into Damian’s hand.

 

He sighs as he opens the eyeliner and reluctantly starts a little wing action, “Don’t underestimate the power of the layout I learned in dance camp last summer.”

 

“It’s not gonna happen, Damian, it might as well still be illegal for us to be together, at the likliehood of anything happening here.”

 

“Ugh, this feels like _West Side Story,_ my heart. But don’t worry, I’ll get you a better ending.”

 

“Never seen it, but thanks.”

 

Damian shakes his head and tells her now they know what they’re doing on their next movie night as he continues doing her makeup (and a little of his own), and by the time he’s finished, he’s gushing about his plans for when he becomes her maid of honor.

 

They walk into the school hand in hand, the gym darkly lit and filled with half-filled balloons, pitchy pop music and teenagers. About a half hour in, Janis and Damian were pressed against a side wall, trying to avoid crowds and PDA and weird friend groups that looked out of place to the the pair when not sitting at a red lunch table.

 

“Jan?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Would you kill me if I wanted to go dance with this very feminine boy from my chem class right now?” She grunts and nods her head towards the crowds of students as her way of telling him to go for it. “I knew I loved you for a reason!” Damian ruffles her hair and the edges of his blazer, then says, “Don’t let my hard work go to waste. I wanna see lipstick smudged when I go back.”

 

“Kissing is gross!” She yells as he starts to walk away.

 

“How would you know?”

 

So with a middle finger at a retreating Damian, she’s off for some quality time in a bathroom stall.

 

She approaches with the click click thump of her black boots and knows the universe is having a good laugh with her tonight as she notes a spacy blonde propped against the entrance of the girls bathroom staring at the fluorescent lights overhead.

 

She feels like staging a heart attack or maybe feigning sudden blindness to get Damian to take her home right now and spins on her heels mid step to leave, but she’s not fast enough as she hears a “Hey, Janis, I was looking for you before! Don’t leave now!”

 

She stops and it takes every little bit inside her to turn back to the bathroom without a trace of a blush (Janis Sarkisian doesn’t giggle and she doesn’t blush either, let’s make that clear) and choke out, “Not leaving, just uh, thought I lost my phone.”

 

“Was it in your hand? I do that all the time.”

 

Janis looks down and sees it is, indeed, in her hand, so she plays it off, “Yeah, I know. Gets lost there so easily.”

 

Karen’s face lights up and smiles so big Janis thinks she might have that heart attack for real, “Well, anyway, I wanted to find you to show you my hair!” She walks in a slow circle, bottom lip bit in concentration. Janis nods slowly, enjoying the view but not hiding her confusion. Karen squeals as she faces Janis again, “I did it like yours! See? I got some temporary dye from the store so it goes away before Regina notices.”

 

Janis thinks it might have gone away before she could notice herself, because her hair still looks 100% blonde and totally untouched. Given Karen’s track record for reading instructions, or reading at all, Janis doubts whatever Karen thought she did ended up doing anything at all, so she starts to blurt out a compliment but Karen continues, “I tried to find the same color you have on the bottom, the blonde-ish color.”

 

Janis’s mouth opens a little with an accidental gasp, “So you dyed the ends of your blonde hair… blonde?”

 

“Yes, do you like it?” Karen twirls a strand around her finger then holds it out to Janis.

 

“You know, I always liked your hair, but you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Looks so, uh, natural,” Janis breathes out and Karen beams, “So, uh, what are you doing out here... alone?” Janis glances around the hallway and realizes Karen is the only pink in sight, which shouldn’t be possible by the laws of the Plastics universe.

 

“Gretchen spilled her drink on Regina’s dress and she totally, like, fire emoji,” Karen’s eyes grow wide as she speaks (and there’s finally an emoji reference that Janis gets), “So they’re in there trying to fix it before they crown Regina Spring Fling Queen, but they’re mostly just yelling at each other. I’m only here to make sure no one else goes in to see them,” Karen glances at the door behind her, “I probably wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about the dress problem either,” She shrugs at Janis.

 

Janis shakes her head, “What dress problem?”

 

Karen tilts her head, “Gretchen spilled on—”

 

Janis instinctively reaches out a hand and presses it against Karen’s shoulder, shaking her head quickly, “No, Karen, I got it. Secret’s safe with me.”

 

“Oh,” she says with a pop and grabs the hand still on her shoulder, “Still using black nail polish?”

 

“Sometimes I like to spice it up with a shade of charcoal.”

 

“Maybe I’ll try that color next. Charcoal with a Q, or is it a K? I always mix those ones up!” Janis is hyper aware of the fact that Karen keeps fidgeting with her fingers and the more she holds on the faster Janis’ feels like she’ll pass out.

 

“Charcoal with a CH, it’s a tricky word.”

 

Karen looks like she’s trying hard to store that information in her brain somewhere, and Janis thinks she probably has more than enough room in there, but drops it anyway. Then Karen says, “Hey, why don’t you come with us next time we get our nails done so you can show me which color it is. I’m a visual learner.”

 

Janis feels like her heart is gonna burst when Karen gives her _that look_ totally unknowingly and keeps Janis’s hand locked in hers when she drops them. Janis has trouble answering with, “Karen, I can’t go out with you guys. I mean with everything…” She starts and Karen continues to stare, not knowing what Janis meant. “You know, the whole thing that I liked girls. You guys, well, Regina, like, basically ruined my life for a few years there with that stuff,” Janis’s eyes flit downward and when she looks up Karen looks like she’s about to cry.

 

“That’s what that meant? Regina said—”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it now. When I was 13 it sucked but I grew up, and she wasn’t wrong, so I’m trying to be a little less mad about it,” She glances at he door behind Karen and notices the instinctive scowl that comes with the thought, “It’s not working too well so far, but I’m definitely not mad at you for it, so that helps. Like totally dancing girl emoji, not mad at you.”

 

Karen seems to let out the first breath since Janis brought up middle school. “I really wanted the space part to be true. I have a theory on life on Mars…”

 

“I never said that part couldn’t be true too!” Janis shakes her head with a smile and squeezes Karen’s hand before dropping it. Karen literally jumps. “I think I owe you a look at my spaceship soon.”

 

“What spaceship?”

 

“Uh, the spaceship that—” Janis starts, feeling as confused as Karen must feel constantly.

 

“No, silly, I was doing that thing you did before. That’s how it works, right?” Karen states simply.

 

Janis nods with a smile, “You got it, Kare”

 

“Hey, you used to call me that all the time!”

 

“I did, didn’t I? Seems like so long ago.”

 

“I like it. I like so much about you, I don’t know why the other girls don’t let me talk to you.” Karen starts to step close to Janis, the air getting tight and perfumey and Janis looks right into Karen’s bright eyes, thanking the highlighter gods for making her look good when she’s this close to Karen Smith.

 

Janis hates seeing Karen look so defeated, curse teenage hormones for making her mushy, and tries to get a smile again, “Well, it’ll probably be good for now, keep them off our tails for when we go on our secret space adventure, right?”

 

Karen nods violently. And there it is, brighter than the crappy hallway lighting.

 

“Well, I should probably go before they come out and catch me here.” Janis squeaks her right foot boot and looks down.

 

“Thanks for making my bathroom duty not boring.”

 

“Thanks for making my Spring Fling not entirely suck.”

 

“You going home now with your friend? He sounds funny, I think I’d like him.”

 

“You would. But nah, I think I might stay a little longer. I voted for this pretty blonde girl to win Spring Fling Queen and I really wanna see her win.”

 

“Regina always wins… I thought you didn’t like Regina.”

 

“Well, _silly_ , I didn’t vote for Regina…” Janis raises her eyebrows and watches as Karen’s face lights up.

 

“Gretchen is not blonde!” She shouts. Janis clasps her hands together and tucks them under her chin as she watches Karen giggle and she tries to hold back this thing she’s got stuck in her throat (but it doesn’t work and Damian later says he heard the ‘giggle’ from the gym).

 

Her moment of teenage crush-induced bliss is rudely interrupted when a blonde and a not-blonde slam the bathroom door open behind Karen.

 

“Karen, what the hell, I told you to keep people away.”

 

“Relax, I was just looking for my phone. Your friend was helping me find it.” Janis snaps back quickly, her smile dropped and snapped back to it’s default indifferent scowl. She throws her hands up and starts to back out of their way.

 

“It was in her hand the whole time, just like I always do!” Karen squeaks a little and looks at Regina. Gretchen’s eyes flit between the pair rapidly, but Regina’s just narrow tightly.

 

Regina seems to size Janis up before deciding on her retort, “Well, the bathroom’s all yours now for the lesbian hookup I know you’re waiting for here. Just try to remember there are 14 year olds who use are gonna use those stalls come Monday,” She clicks her pink heels past Janis and Gretchen scurries after her, “C’mon Karen, she probably has a crush on you and if you’re alone with her too long she’ll convince you that you’re a dyke too. Plus inhaling her crusty black nail polish isn’t good for your pores.”

 

“It’s charcoal,” Karen blurts.

 

“What?”

 

“Her nail polish isn’t black, it’s charcoal. Q-H-A… or was it the K?”

 

Regina grabs Karen’s and hand, much less gently than Janis had been holding it just seconds before (her stomach does a somersault at the thought), and drags her away, mumbling about something Janis is glad she couldn’t hear.

 

And despite it all, she doesn’t have the strength to run back at the hot pink bitch with a punch because her knees go weak when she reminds herself she just flirted with Karen Smith. And in some weird, Karen-emoji way, she thinks Karen Smith kinda flirted back.

 

* * *

 

She’s heard junior year described as the year from hell several times before, but she doesn’t think its ever been said for the right reasons. At least not from where she’s standing.

 

AP tests? No biggie. College apps? Come at her. Physics? A walk in the park.

 

All seemingly nothing when compared to Hurricane Heron that washes through Janis’s junior year starting the day the little homeschooled jungle freak stomped through the halls with her sock-and-sandals and deer in the headlights look.

 

“She’s hopeless.”

 

“She’s cute and has potential, I mean look at that vest. It’s like a sadder and straighter version of you.”

 

Janis glares at Damian as they round the corner leaving their math class and heading to the cafeteria, “I think her vest is cute. I don’t think she is.”

 

“You’re right I guess she’s not your type. Heard she’s in AP Calculus, and you only go for people who should have been left back three grades,” Damian shrugs his shoulders up, then yelps when Janis smacks his side with her history textbook. “All I’m saying is that she could probably use a little help, being the little loner gazelle she is. And with us being the extremely co-dependent version of loner gazelles, we should do a nice thing.”

 

“Since when do we do nice things?”

 

“Ever since Stephen rejected me at Spring Fling because he claimed he was ‘a child of God who was put on Earth to honor and serve 2 people only: our lord and savior, Jesus Christ himself, and a woman’, I’ve been doing some Christian research to find a loophole that gets him to hook up with me,” Damian starts with a hand on his hip and Janis scrunches her eyebrows. “And while that has so far led to a hot flaming trail of _nothing_ , I have been slightly enlightened by some stuff this Jesus guy had to say.”

 

“I don’t think either of us should really be consulting the bible at a time like this,” Janis stops at her locker and spins the lock around her combination before swinging the door open, “And that Stephen guy was an ass to you that night so I still do not support your insane decisions to keep pursuing him.”

 

“Okay, you fell in love with a girl who helped send you into an intense psychological break that needed months of therapy to heal, and I _still_ support you!” Damian sighs, leaning against the lockers next to Janis as she pulls out two notebooks and lifts her eyes to meet his judgy gaze.

 

“Well maybe you should have stopped me instead of helping me pine for an entire summer with no success.”

 

Janis’s summer had been exactly that—many days and nights bumping into Karen everywhere, but always when she had two hot pink bitches in tow. Janis would see them sip Starbucks drinks at the mall and hope she timed her trip to the bathroom at just the right time to step in at the same time as the bubbly blonde, or screw with the hangers in stores she saw them go into just to confuse Karen and give her an excuse to talk to her, or try to sneak a wave when she saw her sitting in the back seat of Regina’s car as her and Damian waited to cross a busy street at a light.

 

It was ridiculous. She felt so stupid but she couldn’t stop.

 

To any outside observer, they’d probably never guess. Janis had gotten really good at hiding the stupid lovesick thing that had consumed her. The bubbling hatred she still harbored for her crush’s valiant leader really helped that.

 

“Don’t be discouraged my little hopeless romantic loner gazelle,” (“God, Damian, can you stop referring to everyone as gazelles!” “I watched an episode of Animal Planet to enhance my boyish skillset for future dates who are more into that kind of thing than my feminine charm, so I’m trying to work it into my everyday vocabulary.”) Damian shuts Janis’s locker for her and loops their arms together as they start to walk again, “This summer was nothing. Things are gonna change for us this year, starting with making a new friend…”

 

Janis looks into the lunchroom, filled to the brim with hopeless wannabe and jocks and Christian mingle members, and then she thinks about the new girl sitting alone in a bathroom stall. She thinks the bathroom sounds much more appealing to be in right now.

 

“Fine, we can help her. It’ll be a fun project to distract from the shit show that is my life,” Damian squeals excitedly and starts them away from the cafeteria and towards the girls first floor bathroom, “Just don’t make fun of her vest. I actually kinda dig the look.”

 

* * *

 

Janis is right, this Caddy girl is a fun distraction from her life problems, and conveniently offers a smooth in to plot some serious revenge.

 

When she comes crashing into their Halloween movie night, Janis’s instinct is to be mad that this bitch made her spill all her popcorn. But it’s suddenly replaced with immense guilt and empathy and a little bloodlust to murder whoever would hurt her baby loner gazelle like this (the name’s grown on her, almost as much as the girl has, which she’d never admit, but is a lot).

 

“C’mere, Caddy. No one hurts one of us and gets away with it. Tell me every terrible, horrible thing she did to you and I will think of ten even worse ways to ruin her life,” Janis pets the top of Cady’s creepy costume wig while Damian gets a blanket to wrap her in.

 

“What is she going to say about me at school on Monday? Oh, god, am I gonna have to go to therapy? Do you need to teach me how to paint? I don’t even know how to hold a paintbrush!” Cady sobs into Janis’s chest.

 

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Caddy. Regina’s a bitch but she reserves her worst insults for Janis and the gays because she’s secretly repressing her own deep-rooted issues, ” Damian sits down next to the girls and Cady peers up at Janis, who starts to laugh.

 

“How can you be so normal after everything that happened between you two? I’m convinced I’m gonna hate her forever.”

 

“Oh, I definitely hate Regina forever. Will take that to my grave. But now she’s wronged me, she’s wronged my best friend—” Janis starts to say, before Damian interrupts.

 

“And she’s wronged your girl crush!” He chants excitedly, which makes Cady perk up with a smile.

 

“Oh my god, _who_!?!?” Cady squeals and grabs Damian’s hand.

 

“Ignore him, Caddy.” Janis rolls her eyes.

 

“No, no, no, tell me, c’mon. It’ll make me feel so much better, and distract me from the burning hatred I feel inside me right now.”

 

“No, see, Caddy, you’re supposed _my_ distraction. I agreed to help Damian help you out so I would stop thinking about all the ways I couldn’t be with Karen and why, _oh shit_.”

 

“ _Karen_! Oh my god, Jan, I’m gonna die of happiness right now!” Cady jumps in her seat on the couch, shaking Janis with her and cheesing so hard it’d look unnatural even if she wasn’t still decked out in her horror bride of the dead look. “That’s perfect, you two would be so cute together, why aren’t you going for it??!”

 

“That’s what I keep asking her…” Damian says.

 

“Okay, we’re not here to talk about me and whoever. We’re here to fix Caddy and more importantly, as I was starting to say before I was so rudely interrupted,” Janis clears her throat and Damian throws his hands up in defense, “We’re here to plot our most brutal revenge against Regina George.”

 

Caddy, still giddy at Janis’s little confession, listens intently as Janis and Damian walk her through step-by-step of how they’re going to break Regina George from the inside out. Almost two hours in, the trio has been doubled over in laughter (both of the hysterical and evil varieties) several times and are flopped on the couch stuffing themselves with frozen pizza bagels and barbecue chips.

 

“I really do not deserve you guys,” Cady says with a happy sigh as she snuggles under a blanket on the couch and pulls out her phone.

 

“It is our pleasure, baby loner gazelle. I think we needed you just as much as you needed us.”

 

“Yeah I mean, I started getting sick of Damian only being able to test out his new makeup products on me,” Janis starts, “But beyond being convenient, you’re not half bad, Caddy, and—” Cady gasps sharply. “Alright, calm down there, don’t act like it’s _that_ shocking that I actually like you now.”

 

“No, no, oh my god, guys. Guess who just texted me!” She squeals and holds her phone to her chest.

 

“Aaron realized he’s an idiot and dropped Regina already,” Damian jumps up and suggests, “Wait, no, better: Aaron realized he’s bi and has a thing for guys in showtunes and wants to know if I’ll go with him to see ‘Hello, Dolly!’ because he has an extra ticket and you’re going to tell him I accept but don’t make me sound too eager just like a casual, ‘yeah, I think I’m free that night’ kinda thing.”

 

Janis’s mouth hangs open and tilts her head to one as he finishes whatever _that_ was, but Cady is still smiling down at her phone.

 

“Who, Caddy?”

 

“Karen!” She squeals, and Janis’s heart stops, “She wanted to apologize for making fun of my costume and make sure I was okay after I ran away from the party.”

 

Cady and Damian are both smiling, but say nothing, obviously waiting to hear Janis’s response. “That’s really sweet of her.”

 

Obviously not impressed, her two friends start exploding with excitement. “Janis, she’s obviously looking for an excuse to talk to you!” Cady says, her eyes wide.

 

“What? How did you get that? She didn’t mention me and she has no idea you’re even here.”

 

“Let’s see, ‘sunglasses emoji, corn emoji, ice skate emoji, rainbow emoji’. She’s into you.” Cady holds out her phone and shows Janis the emojis at the bottom of Karen’s message.

 

“Oh c’mon! Rainbow emoji. It’s a freakin’ _rainbow_ emoji, Janis!” Damian yells as he joins the girls on the couch.

 

“This means nothing, she was just being—”

 

“Call her! Oh em gee, call her, Janis!” Cady squeals and claps her hands together.

 

“No, god, first of all, what did we teach you about speaking text language? Second, not happening. There is no reason and my voice sounds weird over the phone.”

 

“Call her and say, like, I fell asleep and you just wanted to let Karen know I wasn’t ignoring her.”

 

“That’s such a dumb excuse,” Janis shakes her head.

 

“Karen’s dumb. It works,” Damian states.

 

They both look at Janis with pleading eyes and spend what feels like an eternity convincing Janis to do it, to the point she can’t figure out any way that she’s going to get out of this without at least dialing.

 

So she does, very reluctantly (and with stomach filled to the brim with anxious butterflies). The phone rings once… twice… three times… “Guys, this is stupid she’s not gonna pick—oh, hey Karen.”

 

Cady and Damian silently freak out.

 

“Yeah, no, just wanted to call and let you know Cady fell asleep here before she could answer your text, make sure you know she’s not mad at you, just that she’s had a rough night, that’s all,” Janis tries to brush it off as nonchalantly as possible. Cady and Damian send her two thumbs up and Janis shoos them away with her free hand, before tucking the phone between her ear and her shoulder to instinctively play with her hair.

 

“Oh, I’m so glad. I was _really,_ croissant emoji, worried about her,” Karen says on the other end.

 

“It was really sweet of you. You’re a good friend.”

 

“Is she coming back to school on Monday?”

 

Janis’s forehead scrunches in confusion, “Uh, yeah.”

 

“Good, because last time something like this happened, you left school and didn’t come back, probably because I asked that stupid question about you being a space alien, and I really didn’t want to lose another person in the group who was nice to me because I said something mean about Cady’s costume.”

 

Janis feels herself hold back and sickeningly sweet ‘aww’ before answering, “No, Karen, you know I didn’t leave because of you. If anything you were one reason I considered staying.”

 

“Oh, tulip emoji, thank goodness.”

 

“Yeah, bikini emoji, don’t worry about Cady. We taught her all about Halloween in America tonight and I think she’s gonna stick to cute costumes more like yours from now on.”

 

“Oh, did you see my costume?”

 

“I did, Cady showed me a picture you posted.”

 

“Did you know what I was supposed to be?” She asked innocently and full of hope.

 

“A sexy mouse, duh!” Janis chuckled. She’d have to thank Caddy for that tip later.

 

“I knew you’d get it! I was going to try sexy Van Gogh because I thought I remembered you mentioning it but then I looked Van Gogh up and realized he’s a person, not a car, so I bought some paints but all the colors gave Gretchen anxiety.”

 

“Sexy Van Gogh is not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll steal it for next year.”

 

“Regina said she’s gonna throw the Halloween night party next year, but I remembered you couldn’t come if it was at Regina’s so I convinced her we should do it at my house. Now you can come!” Karen squeals.

 

“Oh, perfect,” Janis giggles (and she hates it but Damian won’t let her deny it anymore), “I’ve got the date saved already.”

 

“How’d you know what date it was?” Karen asks incredulously, “You have ESPN too?”

 

Janis grins, “Yeah, I do. Special space alien perk, ya know?”

 

“Grool,” Karen laughs, “Cady used that word and Regina made fun of her but I don’t understand why because that’s how I’ve always spelled the word _cool_.”

 

“Don’t listen to her. You spell cool or grool however the hell you want, Karen.”

 

She can practically hear Karen smiling on the other end of the phone, “Well, if Cady’s sleeping there you must be bored.”

 

“It’s okay, plus I’m talking to you now, so I’m set for a little while,” (damn, Confident Janis, where did you come from?), “you holdin’ up okay over there?”

 

“I’m eating some ice cream so I’m happy,” She hears her drop a spoon in a bowl, “you should come over. I have a whole carton of fudge ripple ice cream untouched that you should totally come devour with me.”

 

Janis panics and glances over at her two friends, “While that sounds totally amazing and wonderful and, uh, blue dress emoji, it’s late and I have a curfew,” (Confident Janis, where did you go?) and her heart breaks a little when she hears Karen’s sad little sigh, baby Plastic gazelle, “but hey, I still owe you a few things, remember? Just add ice cream date to the list.”

 

Shit.

 

Janis feels her heart drop at a million miles an hour, but Karen doesn’t miss a beat, “And you’ll know which date because of our ESPN?”

 

“Exactly,” Janis sighs, relieved, she didn’t make anything of her slip.

 

“Great. Dates are just two people, I’m pretty sure, unless I’m confusing this with that kind of fruit,” Karen takes a minute to process her own confusion while Janis suffers a mini stroke, “Well, anyway, it’ll be perfect because then Regina and Gretchen wont be there and we’ll be allowed to talk!”

 

“Long as you still want to talk to me, that is.”

 

“Of course I will. You’re funny and so nice to me and make me feel smart, which I know isn’t easy to do,” Karen laughs, “And you’re pretty to look at.”

 

“How do you know? You aren’t looking at me now.”

 

“I know and it sucks.”

 

Janis could literally die. Just. Someone take her right now.

 

“The feeling is very mutual.”

 

The line stays quiet for about ten seconds, but Janis knows Karen hasn’t hung up because she can hear breathing.

 

“The feeling is very koala bear emoji, bulls eye emoji, ferris wheel emoji,” Janis reiterates in simpler terms, and she hears Karen sigh happily.

 

Cady and Damian are losing their shit, literally wheezing with glee as Janis finishes her phone call, which ends in one of those dumb cliché rom com ways where neither of them wants to hang up first but doesn’t wanna say anything about it o they both kinda just, give a flirty giggle and smile as they turn their phone off.

 

“Janis, I think we can all agree that was literally the most beautiful and wonderful thing we have ever witnessed,” Cady squeals, as she attacks Janis in a squeeze of a hug.

 

Janis tries to swat her off but to no avail, and Damian soon joins in, “Wait, Caddy, we might need to put it in terms she better understands now that we’ve completely lost her to the gay Karen Smith gods,” her turns to Janis, “Honey, that was all beach umbrella emoji and soccer goal emoji.”

 

“Don’t forget rainbow emoji.”

 

“Oh, _so_ rainbow emoji.”

 

* * *

 

Janis gets really invested in the revenge plot against Regina as the year rolls by, and it’s going really well. So well, they don’t even notice how quickly Cady transforms into one of the life-ruiner Plastics without so much as a blink.

 

The beginning of Spring rolls around and Janis is packing up some things for her art show the Friday afternoon of the competition with Damian in her basement and tries hard not to punch a canvas when she thinks of how their plan didn’t account for Cady actually wanting to join the very people who they had decided to wholeheartedly take down.

 

“That thing with her parents can’t last all night, I’m sure she’ll run right to your house for victory basement cuddles when she gets back. Don’t let it ruin your night,” Damian says as he picks up some empty paint tubes.

 

“I know, I just… something doesn’t feel right about this,” Janis shakes her head, “Maybe we could plant a fake bomb and sneak her out of it?”

 

“Mhm, yeah, because that will look really nice on our college applications!”

 

“I just think if it’s the only way to get her there then those steps should be taken.”

 

“Janis, sweetie,” Damian places a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “You know I love our Caddy girl, but there are plenty of other people who would love to come to your art show _without_ the use of any explosives. For example—” He starts eyebrows raised.

 

“No, Damian, do not say it.”

 

“Karen would be there in a heartbeat if you had asked. She loves literally everything about you, including the outdated combat boots, which is a miracle in itself, and she isn’t under Regina’s strict control anymore…”

 

“But she’s now under Caddy’s, which might be worse,” Janis deadpans as she preps her last canvas and starts to pick up the box to pack it in her car.

 

“Not true and you know it!”

 

“I am immediately skeptical of anyone who posts more than three selfies to Instagram in a row, and with today’s edition of ‘kissy faces to get Aaron to notice me again’, Cady can officially be added to my list,” Janis says with a huff as she walks up the stairs.

 

Ignoring her pessimism, Damian shoves his phone at her, “We have Karen’s number. Just send her one text, it won’t kill you.”

 

“It might.”

 

“It _won’t._ ”

 

She rolls her eyes as she opens the passenger seat of his car and climbs inside, “Not gonna happen. Let’s just go, we’re gonna be late.”

 

A few hours later, her crappy friends and crushes are the least of her concerns as she runs out of the art show proudly adorning a first place ribbon.

 

“C’mere one more cheesy proud soccer mom picture for me and then we can go,” Damian yells as they start walking back to their car.

 

“Last one,” she laughs, “I mean it!” But she smiles for Damian anyway.

 

“Ugh, I’m so proud of you I could explode. I’m gonna brag about you to every person I see for the next six weeks.”

 

“Celebratory IHOP?”

 

“Took the words right out of my mouth, let’s go.” Damian starts the car and begins backing out of the spot.

 

“Maybe I could call Caddy and see if she’s free yet. It’s late and it’d be fun if she came,” Janis shrugs.

 

“Look at you, being the bigger person and such. Don’t forget to call Karen too!”

 

Janis hits his side and laughs as she pulls her phone out to text Cady. But the first thing she sees are endless photos of the party blowing up tonight. “Another cringey North Shore banger tonight. Hah, wasted Gretchen will never not be funny,” she grins.

 

“Ugh, where? I’m avoiding all roads that lead to whatever house its at because cops will be in full swing and I just paid off my last distracted driving ticket.” (Damian doesn’t just sing in his car, he _performs_.)

 

“Uhhh, I can’t tell… looks like…” Janis squints at her phone as she tries to detect the location of that mess of sloppy drunks and testosterone. “Holy shit!”

 

“What?”

 

“That little fucker.”

 

“Janis, whAt?!?” Damian shrieks.

 

“It’s at Cady’s house. Cady is throwing the party!”

 

Damian slams on his breaks, “No she did not. Not my baby loner gazelle.”

 

“Oh, yes she did.” Janis seethes through gritted teeth. Cursing her name the entire drive there, Damian and Janis roll up to Cady’s house and there’s no doubt, judging by the blocks filled with cars and the music heard blasting through the closed door, that Cady had a party and didn’t think to invite them, like every other somebody at North Shore for the past three years.

 

When Cady stumbles out of her house, barefoot and flushed, Janis almost starts to feel bad because something about the sight reminds her of the scared deer in the headlights girl she wanted to rescue on her first day of school, someone who just needed a little protecting.

 

But then she hears the music, and decides to rip Cady a new one, screw being the bigger person.

 

She’s hesitant at first, but then Cady decides to attack her for being ‘in love with her or something’ and it feels like 8th grade all over again. Only this time, Janis has a kick ass retort that doesn’t involve alien butts.

 

At one point in her screaming Cady says roughly, “It’s not my fault your delusional crush on Karen isn’t going anywhere so you decided to become obsessed with me instead!” Janis feels all the air escape her lungs, “You’re like, a sad, lonely person who attaches to other people so you don’t feel as bad about yourself, but I don’t have a big gay crush on you like you have on me and all my friends!”

 

“How dare you say that, you—” Damian starts to scream, but Janis holds a hand out.

 

“No, Damian I got this,” Janis takes a step towards Cady, who reeks of mystery shots, so she tries not to take anything too much to heart, but feels her blood boil anyway as she says in her calmest, most threatening whisper, “I think you’re forgetting how sad and lonely you were when you got here. And maybe you don’t realize how sad and lonely you are now despite being surrounded by all these ‘cool and awesome’ people who use you for free booze and an Instagram like. We trusted you Cady, _I_ trusted you. Maybe they didn’t leach you the difference between like and ‘like-like’ in your African homeschooled youth, but lucky for you, I just hate you now, so no confusion.”

 

Cady starts to say something but Janis stops her, “You are fake, you are cold, and you are every horrible thing I never thought you’d be. Have fun trying to prove me wrong,” Janis grabs the painting from her car and tosses it at Cady, “Take it, it won a prize.”

 

“Janis—”

 

“Nope, save it. Why waste your time talking to someone sad and lonely when you can be sad and lonely and drunk in there,” Janis storms away and starts to get back in the car, and peeks her head out to say, “Oh, by the way, was that Aaron I saw leaving before? Funny, thought I was the only one with a failed delusional crush…”

 

Cady stumbles and pushes her way back inside her house. Janis watches as she does and notices her push past a blonde in the doorway, staring at them with a distant smile.

 

“How long has she been there?” Janis whispers to Damian.

 

“‘It’s not my fault your delusional crush on Karen…’”

 

“Shit,” Janis mumbles before sticking her head out the window, “Hey Karen, you okay over there?”

 

“Janis, hi!” She waves excitedly, looking like she’ll fall over from expending the extra energy, “Did you win?” she questions as she walks down the steps of the house and approaches the car.

 

“What?”

 

“Your art contest, did you win?” She screams.

 

“Oh, yeah, yeah I did, how’d you know about that.”

 

“I wanted to come when Mr. Duvall mentioned it this morning, but someone has to take care of Gretchen when she’s sad drunk.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Karen. You’re a good friend.”

 

“You always say that to me!” She giggles.

 

“Because you are,” Janis states simply. Karen is now right outside Janis’s window.

 

“Does that mean you think I’d be a good girlfriend too?” She asks innocently, crouched over eye level with Janis at the window. Damian chokes. Janis freezes.

 

“Karen, you—” Janis starts, but is glad Karen cuts her off because she had no idea how to finish that.

 

“I knew you’d win. I bet your paintings are so pretty, I mean, if you paint them even half as pretty as you are…”

 

“You sure you’re okay, Karen? Need a ride home?” Damian asks as Janis grows even more speechless.

 

“I’m okay,” is all she says before fixing the bottom of her skirt and standing up, “Bye Janis, bye Janis’s friend,” she waves and backs up on the sidewalk as Damian slowly drives away.

 

“What the fuck just happened?”

 

* * *

 

 “Can you believe we actually survived up to this point?”

 

“Are you sure we did?”

 

“You let me do your makeup again, so probably not, but I’m going to pretend we did anyway,” Damian says as he tucks Janis under his arm in the middle on the Spring Fling dance floor, “Oh, the things that have happened in a year. Feels like just yesterday I caught you running back from the girl’s bathroom after talking to Karen Smith blushing.

 

“Simpler times, simpler times.”

 

“But now we know she actually likes you.”

 

“And that Caddy hates me.”

 

“Everything will work out my sweet,” Damian sighs, “It’s been a few weeks. No girl can hold grudges that long.”

 

“Damian, are we forgetting the hatred I harbored for Regina George for almost four years?” Janis turns to look at him, eyes wide.

 

“Okay, that’s you, but Caddy’s a little mush, and you have a soft spot for her, I know it. All you have to do is yell all the mean things you said and did to each other at the top of your lungs at the same time, you’ll share a good laugh, and all is clear!”

 

“What?”

 

“Read it in a magazine once. Sounds like it could work,” he shrugs and turns back to dance with her again, then gasps. Janis taps him and asks what, but he just turns her around to face the stage.

 

And Janis doesn’t think she’ll get to try Damian’s coping method because all it takes is two minutes looking at Cady looking at her from up there to realize they’ll be okay. She shoots her a thumbs up from the crowd and Cady giggles.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m apologizing because I know like at least 80% of your misery was my fault,” Cady grabs Janis’s arms when she jumps off the stage and pleads.

 

“Don’t worry. I was mad, but it was easy to get over it. Just missed my friend.”

 

“I wanna be sad and lonely with you forever, Janis Sarkisian.”

 

“God, don’t make me cry.”

 

“I mean it. I don’t care what horrible things we’ve done or will do to each other. You’re the first normal friend I ever had.”

 

“You’re the first normal friend I’ve ever had, too,” Janis laughs, and Damian feigns offense behind her.

 

“Let’s keep it that way,” Cady holds out her pinky and Janis shakes on it. “Now that we’ve got that sorted, listen. I talked to Karen—”

 

“You WHAT?” Janis screeches and Damian claps excitedly.

 

“Nothing, nothing, calm down, I didn’t say anything,” Cady starts, as Janis starts to pace, “Every time I talked to Karen she found some way to bring you up and literally looked like a ray of sunshine while doing it. And she’s usually really intuitive when it comes to spotting her friends’ feelings, but didn’t even bat an eyelash when I started to tear up one time when she mentioned you. She’s in a little crush bubble.”

 

“You’re making this up, Caddy!”

 

“I swear! You need to go for it!” Cady squeals and Damian backs her up.

 

“We don’t need to do this right now, c’mon, we’re all just becoming friends again, you should be celebrating your big wins and—” Janis starts.

 

“No, there is absolutely no better time than now. Honey, it’s been an actual _year_ since this all started. Man up and confess your undying love for her!” Damian yells as he grabs Janis’s shoulders.

 

“The whole point of this gay thing is to not be a man,” she deadpans.

 

“Then woman up! Go!” Cady cheers and pushes Janis away.

 

Janis starts to walk as they shoo her on, but feels suddenly ill and totally not herself, “I’m not doing this.” She says, and repeats over and over again under her breath as she turns back to face her friends.

 

“Don’t tell me that badass, take no shit, Janis Sarkisian is gonna bail on this tiny little easy thing right now, after we’ve come so far,” Damian crosses his arms with a pout.

 

Janis sighs, “This is stupid!”

 

“It’s love! That’s the point!” Cady says with a smile.

 

“Well, I’m doing nothing with you two staring at me like that.”

 

“Fine, fine,” they both mumble. “I’ll go dance and socialize on my own,” Cady says, backing away, “And I’m gonna make it my mission to figure out which on of the mathletes is gay,” Damian says with a head tilt and turns.

 

Janis lets out a shaky breath, straightens the edges of her jacket and realizes she should probably walk somewhere.

 

She makes it about three steps before walking head first into a head full of blonde, shiny hair.

 

Someone up there is screwing with her.

 

“Janis!” Karen squeals, “Cady just said you were looking for me!”

 

“Did she?” Janis says, looking around. She’d kill that girl if she didn’t like her so much.

 

“Yeah, said you wanted to ask me something?”

 

“Oh, uh, no, nothing.” Janis shakes her head fast. She silently wills herself to pull herself together fast.

 

“Oh, okay,” Karen says with a perky grin, “Glad I still found you though!”

 

“Yeah, same. You’re good to talk to at these things,” she feels her heart race.

 

“You look weird, are you okay, do you need, like, CIA or something?” Karen puts a hand over Janis’s chest to feel her heartbeat, “I think you’re still alive…”

 

“I think so too.”

 

“well, now that we can be friends again,’ Karen claps her hands together excitedly, “do you think you could dye my hair for me? Or your friend?”

 

“Sure, if you want,” Janis says, and Karen beams. She decides it’s now or never though, so she should try a little harder, “But I really like your hair the way it is. It’s really pretty.”

 

“Thanks,” she sighs, “And you’re coming over for ice cream, right?”

 

Janis shakes her head thinking Karen had forgot about that already, “We talked about that months ago, you still remember?”

 

“Of course, I’ve been patiently waiting!”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, and I think I’ll take you to the mall too so you can show me where you buy all your cool vests.”

 

“You like my vests?”

 

“Who wouldn’t?” Karen asks, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“You are something else, Karen Smith,” Janis laughs.

 

“What am I?” She scrunches her eyebrows close together and thinks.

 

Janis reaches a hand out, “No, honey, that was—”

 

“Am I a lesbian?”

 

Janis’s heart stops.

 

“Karen, that’s not what I meant—”

 

“No, no, really, how would I know if I was?” She nods quickly and looks to Janis with big eyes.

 

“Okay, there’s lots of ways, but you’re probably not—”

 

“How did you know you liked girls and not boys?” Janis can practically see the wheels turning in Karen’s brain as she keeps cutting her off with these rapid fire questions.

 

“Well you can like both, of course, but uh, basically,” Janis doesn’t know how to put this, “you think girls are really pretty.”

 

Janis decides with a huff that had to be the easiest thing for Karen to comprehend, but starts to regret it when Karen blurts with wide eyes, “I think _you’re_ really pretty!”

 

“Well, I mean, it’s more complicated than that!” Janis starts to panic.

 

“Do I need to kiss a girl?”

 

“That would probably help, but I mean it’s also getting nervous around a girl you like, getting excited when you see her, wanting to spend extra time with her, probably just the two of you, wanting to hold her hand at unexplainable moments, you know, like normal crush stuff,” Janis tries to explain, and feels the little twinge in her heart as she basically recounts the last 14 months of her life.

 

“Wait,” Karen says, “I think you’re basically describing my life right now,” Karen olds out a hand and tucks her head a little, thinking (which comes slow to her). “But you said I should still kiss a girl?”

 

“You don’t have to,” Janis sighs.

 

“But it would help?”

 

“If you had a girl to kiss, probably.”

 

“Who did you kiss to figure it out?” Janis looks down at her feet. “I won’t embarrass whoever it is, I promise!”

 

“I didn’t,” Janis looks up at Karen with a smile on the corner of her lips, “haven’t kissed any girls,” she says with a shrug.

 

“But you still knew?”

 

“Yes, you ask a lot of questions,” Janis laughs as Karen fidgets with her hands and tucks her hair behind her right shoulder.

 

“Sorry, just… one more?”

 

“Hit me.”

 

“Can I kiss a girl right now?”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t need to kiss a girl to figure out that I like her, but can I kiss her if I want to anyway?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, sure, but—”

 

“Awesome.”

 

Karen grabs the collar of Janis’s jacket with both of her perfectly manicured hand and in one swift motion tugs her close and presses her lips against her own. She grips her jacket tight and pulls close and she moves her lips (which, fucking Christ, taste like cherry lip gloss) slowly and wait for Janis to stop panicking and join her.

 

Which she does, very quickly.

 

Her charcoal chipped nail polish doesn’t seem to deter Karen as she lets one hand loop around her neck and the other sinks into her pretty blonde hair, that she loves and will never let her change if she keeps getting to do this to it, and keeps her body close to Karen’s in this gay make out in a high school gymnasium bliss.

 

She hears Karen giggle in between a kiss and feels like she could actually explode, slips her arms down to Karen’s waist and full rom-com dips her back in the kiss, Janis’s left foot popping up a little, and slides as she moves her lips in sync with this spacy girl who she’s had a crush on for over a year and now they are really doing this CAN YOU BELIEVE IT SHE CANNOT!

 

She scoops Karen back up and they stand with a little twirl, laughing, noses pressed together.

 

“Did that help?” Janis asks.

 

“Yes, but I think I knew anyway.”

 

“Really?”

 

Karen nods and Janis swoons at the feeling of the little eskimo kiss that the motion creates.

 

“I’m dumb but I’m not stupid.”

 

“Oh, I know, I know.”

 

“Should have kissed you sooner,” Karen shrugs, “I think we’ve both been missing out.”

 

“Definitely,” Janis slips one hand into Karen’s down at their sides, “But this was definitely the more exciting way to do it, I mean, Damian is gonna—”

 

She doesn’t even have to finish her sentence when she hears her best friends squealing from a few feet away, holding Cady’s hand and jumping up and down in an excited frenzy together. Gretchen stands close behind and claps fast before sending Karen and big thumbs up. Even Regina next to her has a little smile, that has only a hint of an ‘I’ve been trying to tell you all this since middle school but when I did it everyone thought I was a bitch’, but mostly just a smile. Pain meds, probably.

 

“Gold star emoji, palm tree emoji, I think you should take me on that ice cream date now,” Karen beams, turning back to loom at Janis.

 

“Yes, yes, yes. Uh, crystal ball emoji, yeah, let’s do that right now,” She stutters eagerly and Karen laughs.

 

Janis turns to whisper to Damian that she’ll call him about it later before they start to walk away, hands swinging between them.

 

“So where should we go? There’s that place down the road, or the—”

 

“Well, I can’t make out with you eating an ice cream cone on a bench, so we should probably go for the carton I have in my fridge and eat it there. In my bed.”

 

Janis gasps, mouth open. Her life is not real.

 

“Unless you don’t wanna—”

 

“Yeah, yes, let’s do that!” Janis squeals and quickens her pace to run out the building, “To my space ship!”

 

Karen giggles, sliding into Janis’s car, er, space ship, and Janis thinks if she could only hear one sound for the rest of her life that would probably be her pick.

 

“Janis? Hello?” Karen waves a hand as Janis stares at her from the driver’s seat, “Stop looking at me all pretty and step on it! The quicker we go the quicker I kiss you again and I _really_ wanna kiss you again!”

 

Or that. She could get used to hearing that.

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> had this idea forever and felt it needed to be written down because there is barely anything written for this totally underrated ship that DESERVES THE WORLD AND EACH OTHER. name a more precious opposites attract kind of couple. fight me on this.
> 
> and sorry it was way long i got excited lol
> 
> also, just found out that i'm posting this on national emoji day so yes, love my little karen nugget
> 
> am considering adding more, like, one-shot type stories of them after they get together here so fire away with prompts and suggestions yee i love mean girls help me write all the things <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [my whole sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15436503) by [peculiarblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peculiarblue/pseuds/peculiarblue)




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